Compassion Focused Therapy

In Compassion Focused Therapy, compassion is defined as a ‘sensitivity to suffering in self and others with a commitment to alleviate and prevent it’.  What helps us engage our compassion is understanding our beliefs about how we feel towards offering compassion to others, accepting compassion from others and how we experience compassion we offer ourselves.

Compassion as a word can bring up strong associations within us and we may all have our own idea of what compassion means.  Associations about compassion can be both positive and negative in nature and can change drastically based on where our compassion is focused. For example, it is common that when we experience compassion for others we view this as caring, kind, warm, understanding and nurturing. The catch can be when we direct compassion towards our self, or someone we struggle with, we can associate it with being indulgent, selfish, letting myself or others off, weakness or not deserving. We can have different beliefs in what is ok for others compared to what is ok for ourselves and our internal judgements can at times be harsh and unforgiving. 

In CFT to strengthen our compassionate self we can focus on three core qualities, which research has shown can enhance our own sense of wellbeing:

• Wisdom in compassion helps us step back in life and understand when something is truly helpful and when it is not.  It understands that life can be difficult and we are all shaped by our own life experiences.  Our brains are tricky and can get struck in loops in our mind, thinking over and over.  Using wisdom allows us to understand our own life but also helps us take responsibility.   It also helps us understand what would be a helpful response to difficulties that arise and what we may need to do to deal with difficulties that alleviates or reduces distress. Our wisdom also helps us accept when we need learn new skills or seek others support.

• Caring commitment and non-judgement add warmth and kindness to our wisdom.  We do not want our wisdom to be applied in a cold or detached way, which is often what we offer ourselves.  A genuine intention and desire to be caring, supportive, and helpful and a commitment to doing what we need to do to alleviate suffering is called upon. 

• Strength and courage focuses on our ability to sit with and experience distress, to turn towards and engage.  We aim to develop a sense of inner confidence, authority, strength and courage to engage in our and others distress and not be overwhelmed by it.  It helps us be grounded to tolerate and approach the things we need to.  This again, sometimes calls upon us to learn new skills to engage this courage and strength.   

An ability to be able to engage with ourselves and others in a compassionate way can be a challenging but rewarding experience.  Turning inwards and becoming curious about how we truly relate to ourselves and others during difficult moments can be revealing.  Watch for the harsh words we call ourselves or others and notice the parts within we do not like or try to hide or ignore. Understanding these parts of ourselves can be our first compassionate step towards a greater sense of wellbeing and enhance our relationships. 

Try exploring your beliefs and associations related to compassion and challenge how they have been shaped in your life!

By Amanda Sloan
(Senior Clinical Psychologist)