Have you ever got into bed and instead of slipping into a wonderful night’s sleep your brain decides to run you through the highlights of your most awkward moments? You are not alone.
Online, an explosion of memes on awkwardness has circulated the internet, with multiple forums on Reddit devoted to different types of awkward, from ‘Socially Awkward,’ to ‘This Awkwardness hurts’, where people share their personal stories.
There is even a webcomic titled ‘Awkward Zombie,’ which parodies video games, recreating the awkward and ridiculous situations that occur in video games in comedic fashion.
Artists have long exploited the aesthetics of awkwardness to subvert conventional understandings of reality, as demonstrated by work such as Salvador Dali’s Lobster Telephone (1936) or more recently, Patricia Piccinini’s animal/human-hybrid sculptures often described as ‘unsettling’, ‘uncomfortable’ or ‘weird.’
Mainstream television captured the trend in 2011, airing the first episode of the American teen comedy-drama ‘Awkward,’ now in its fifth season.
It is apparent that awkwardness is a particularly multifaceted emotion in both the moment and the following ruminations. A subject that simultaneously plagues and fascinates many.
Melissa Dahl has spent a lifetime devoted to the study of awkwardness. Cringeworthy (2018) is her testament to that research. The book is a compilation of social studies and academic investigations framed by Dahl’s own lived experience of the tacit emotion.
Dahl defines cringeworthy moments as ‘Those that show you the gap between who you think you are, and how other people are perceiving you.’ Linked to shame, it is a ‘peculiar sense of self-recognition.’
This sense of self-recognition she calls the ‘Irreconceiveable Gap’ - an idea coined by Professor of Psychology Phillipe Rochat.
Rochat describes the ‘Irreconceiveable Gap’ as a strange feeling. For instance, as you grow older, you may feel a lot younger than you actually look. It is the jarring feeling of viewing oneself from the outside and being unable to reconcile the image with what it feels like to be you on the inside.
Dahl covers the different ways in which awkwardness can manifest, such as the unflattering reflection in a mirror that causes shock, or the shame felt on behalf of someone else.
Dahl references an exhaustive amount of literature on the subject of awkwardness, and shares numerous personal anecdotes about awkward times in her life and the lives of others, bringing her to ask the question: what is the purpose to this emotion? A question she never conclusively answers.
However, her exploration on the subject of awkwardness is interesting, nonetheless. Dahl suggests that topics are often awkward when they disrupt the status quo, and that is why honest discussions about race, politics and religion are often so hard to have. Furthermore, people try to avoid situations where they will be seen as uneducated or ignorant and return to their own areas of expertise so as not to encounter the awkwardness of the unknown.
Although awkwardness can seem like a fairly insignificant emotion, some interesting research that Dahl quotes from the British charity Scope, demonstrates otherwise.
Scope conducted a study that found two-thirds of Britons surveyed felt awkward or uncomfortable around people with disability. The study found young people aged between eighteen to thirty- four were twice as likely as their older peers to feel this way, and one fifth of this age group said they’d purposefully avoided interacting with a person with disability because it made them so uncomfortable.
After conducting this research, Scope developed a campaign specifically tackling awkwardness, #EndTheAwkward, highlighting the ostracising effect of awkwardness on people with disability. Non-disabled people were letting their fear of saying something wrong prevent them from saying anything at all – or acknowledging people with disability altogether.
What is the way out of this vortex? asks Dahl. A vortex that can bring on severe discomfort and anxiety. One answer is to realise there are fewer people keeping track of your foibles than you think there are. Basically, she concludes, so many of us waste so much time worrying about what other people think of us, whereas the reality may be that they mostly don’t think of us at all.
At the end of the book, Dahl is about to participate in a stage performance where she reads from her teenage diary - an act she anticipates is going to make her feel extremely awkward. However, taking into account her previous research, she is able to shake off her nerves and do it anyway.
‘Share your shame with a compassionate audience and laugh it off.’ she says, embracing her awkward self at the end of the book.
Dahl’s conclusion speaks to the ways people are sharing their awkward moments online, through art and in television. There is something comforting in knowing you are not alone, and there is a whole world of people out there falling upstairs, or making Freudian slips of the tongue. Being able to share your awkwardness is somehow an antidote to the poison of social humiliation. A light-hearted way to get some relief from our most embarrassing moments.
Cringeworthy is available now via Melbourne Centre for Women’s Mental Health.
Review by Phoebe Cannard-Higgins